The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
