I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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