If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Randomize
