she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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