You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
