I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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