I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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