Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
