it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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