His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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