I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
