Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I need to sanitize my soul.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
