You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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