she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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