No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
