At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
