I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
