just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
