Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
