rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
4 words: hood of his car
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
