I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
