Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
