Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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