My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
