i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
