that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
