just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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