My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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