The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
