sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
it glows. i had to have it.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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