I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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