I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
