its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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