chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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