If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
