My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Randomize
