gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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