Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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