he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
