he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
