I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
