I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
