I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
