After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
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