How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
