i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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