I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
