I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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