When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
