just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
