fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
smell my finger.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
