I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
