This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
