This is not my ceiling
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
